Sunday, 2 December 2007

Rhydian:Week 7 Somebody to Love

Guest Reviewer Furry Monkey:

somebody to love ; I vow to thee

I'm just standing in today and going over the performances of tonight's show, so I think I will kick off things with a personal grudge and that is researchers in the media. It appears to me that, there is a complete laziness and p45s should be handed out quick step as the Media's database, awful and pretty much 1980s in design that it is, should be banned and get some people in who love the media and will support people in press offices and at the times.

Take Jonathan Ross for instance who is paid loads of money. He was trying to be funny! He called Rhydian a weirdo but isn't that old news? Let me take you to the producers meeting before the Jonathan Ross show as he comes rushing in from watching another Japanese movie. "So what we got on Whydian? Whydian is what?". Cue Researcher with database of material they have gathered... Types in Rhydian and she gets:Weirdo, Oddball, Strange, good singer" Wight, I can work with that. Whydian is a Wiewwdo, Woddball, Stwange but he can sing". It did not work. Now tracking back to numerous gossip columnists on the internet who get orgasmic frenzies from hits to their page... let's call Rhydian a "oddball" and he can't win. He shouldn't be on the X Factor and he will fail on the first show. Haven't I heard that somewhere before? Everything - up until he performed and everybody was gobsmacked - bar those who were fresh out of media studies at University of Central English Channel and use their researcher database to the max.
I'm going to cut the chase now and just highlight what the massive problem is with this. Rhydian is entertaining, Rhydian is a great singer and when the public know, the public know. The press tried to put him down, all at the fault of bad researchers who used the editing, contacted the producers, who told them they are selling Rhydian as the pantomime villain and they thought their job was easy. It takes somebody who is good at their job, check irony here, good at their job being Rhydian, to actually stand up and say "this guy is a great singer and the public will love him". But due to the automation of the media industry which is exactly the pre-cursor to so many people entering the profession, most of them do not know how to do their job. Rhydian has proved that


On to tonight's performances. I'll write this as they appear -Rhydian - first - the show started early... hmm...They have given Rhydian the Matrix effect today with a load of people from the otherside of what we cannot see. Rhydian has seen the light and is now fighting the good fight against computer by standing on a piano. With the help of a load of chicks who are fighting, probably kung fu style, nope it's over - no kung fu fighting and no Louis Walsh cloning himself to take on Rhydian's. I was hoping Rhydian would use the mic to his favour and thankfully Simon Cowell is not asking the Matrix girls to start a group called Matrix and telling the woo woo girls to go home. Sharon of the planet Osbournak appears to like that although she can't hear anything after letting "I sing like a bloke and create post modern happy slap videos on YouTube" Emily through because of her Near Death experience. Dannii didn't cry today... why?Simon Cowell loved it and after communicating across the ether with Freddie during a dramatic pause by sniffing to his right - he was told he would like it. Louis Walsh may have dashed off to multiply copy pasting himself in the matrix to take on Rhydian's Matrix girls.
Niki and Hope were up next so just as I was about to cover my ears... nope they were damaged as all the singers were in different keys to each other. Oh dear....Niki on the other hand reminded me of older women seducing younger men - but in a good way if you know what I mean? Do you? No...Leon - oh no. Oh dear. Here we go again. So many wrong keys you will never get back in your home. It's back to living in the caravan kids because Leon can't find the right key and it's been like a long long time since the first week... and Leon is locked out. There's a growl there too which must be a testosterone fuelled post pubescent growl - somebody get the man a woman, any woman!!"Gepetto, Gepetto - will I ever be a real life boy? Will I Gepetto..." "No no, ees no possibly Leon. You ees a puppet!" Same Difference stick to what they do best. That's being the one half of the only 2 contestants who deserve to be in this because they can sing and perform and be that in tune too...That was X Factor Part 1, X Factor Part 2, the revenge of Louis Walsh and his Westlife clones next. Well the westlife clones were sent in and Hope told me they will rock me and they did until Raquelle came forward and told me "yeah, I'm going to rock you baby" where I had an existentialist moment and realised, in terms of existing, I don't think you can rock me because I did die when she sang that moment and I was angry upon returning. This girl winds it up so much like she's Angelina Jolie Mach 2 but she's really just some girl who prances around at school performances and pushes people out of the way. Leon - horrendous. Worst performance ever. Simon said first two thirds bad, last third good. He probably fell asleep for the last third so just said it was great for credibility and get some love from the audience. Same Difference, were fab as usual but Louis got the eebie jeebies as he felt them eating into his West Life Girls aloud market and changing the pop market from selling sex "a little less cloats girls aloud, a little less cloats"... Well... gimmick free Niki next, as Louis calls her so now we can hear about her first gimmick, her dead dad and the other two vote grabbing gimmicks, her boobies. I can hear it all over the country now, Dads saying " I can warm to this women". Rhydian for the final fight sequence of "X Factor Part 2, the revenge of Louis Walsh and his Westlife clones" Well what can you say. At this point Rhydian got whick whick whack, went old school back to Detroit and mixed up big time, blazed it up and became DJ Rhydian, Superstar DJ. He mixed World in Union and I vow to thee my country. He had his own entourage, who I assume will follow him where he will dj and wow clubbers around the world. Dannii, Ibiza resident thought she was at Space and almost got on to the table and started raving but no... she kept her cool after Simon told her to have some respect - it's a hymn!And what a HYMN! Nailed it - Rhydian is a legend! He appeals to everyone. Rhydian is in fact as stated after the show, the kind of DJ, who has come from all kinds of backgrounds. Irish, Welsh, English, etc etc.Rhydian. - Opera Singer, Rock Singer, Soul Singer, Dancer, Performer, Lover, Hunter, Warrior - Superstar DJ :D

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't go away again, Mr B. Your guest reviewer suffers from verbal diarrhoea, and worse, is not funny.

2 December 2007 at 21:49  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was very funny, anonymous from post 1 is probably a leon fan.Jellus.
The stand in did a great job - congrats Monkey Furry- as he watched, posted here, kept up Rhydian threads all over the net and uploaded videos at the same time.Wll done, Furry, it was a very good piece.
Mr. B. , pop in to DS so we have a chat.( I am the one that suggested Furry)...Leon fans do not like you or your blog - obviously - they even tried to report your blog's content (that is, the leon minions that made that chav site you quoted few articles below).

2 December 2007 at 22:41  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nah, you've got me all wrong, mate. Leon doesn't stand out for me, Rhydian's my favourite, but tbh I don't feel that strongly either way. It's just telly.

No, I just enjoy reading this blog. Usually. Glad you're back, Mr B. And thanks.

3 December 2007 at 17:08  

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