Saturday, 3 November 2007

Rhydian - Get the Party Started

The nation sits open mouthed as a star is born.
Rhydian striding through the audience dressed from head to toe in sequins and fur. The nation does a double take, almost unsure what they are watching, wondering if they have somehow switched to Strictly Come Dancing. And then the voice starts. Jesus!

It is like the Terminator, Liberace and Pavarotti have been fused into one. You just know that music will never be the same again. Even if the Rhydmeister couldn't sing very well he would be interesting...but this! This is truly life affirming.

Who can follow this?
Same Difference - dull name, horrible smiley people come on- and sing 'Reach for The Stars' and you can see it in their eyes that they know they will never get anywhere near the stars. The don't understand what a star is. They've just watched the previous act go interstellar.

Louis~ ' a bit over the top'
Sharon~'you look like the snow queen from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
~'my favourite performance this year'
Dannii~'that's what we want to see on ITV'
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Rhydian Roberts lookalikee #6

When most people see the Rhydler they think that glamour can not exist without
personal social envy being a common and widespread emotion.... others just think, "He looks a bit like Johnny Bravo doesn't he?"
video:Johnny Bravo

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Rhydian gets the party started?

In advance of tonight's show where Rhydian will tear the place apart with a brooding operatic version of Let's Get the Party Started I thought I'd would be useful to see how other singers have interpreted the song.

Pink's version is well known but is it the best? Is it as good as Shirley Bassey's diva-ish version. Less well known is Lisa Hannigan and Damien Rice's. Even though most things he sings end up sounding miserable even Rice can't quite divest the song of it's ecstacy fueled bounce. Although he gives it his best shot.

Pink : Get the Party Started
Shirley Bassey : Get the Party Started
Damien Rice and Lisa Hannigan : Get the Party Started
Cobra Verde :Get the Party Started

Rhydian Roberts: Get the Party Started
An insider in The X Factor is reported saying that Emily's song this week, if she had stayed, would controversially have been Smack My Bitch Up by The Prodigy. So to celebrate Emily's removal from the show here is what the original sounds like:

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Friday, 2 November 2007

Rhydian~ the Incredible Hulk?

More associations between Rhydian and comic book heroes!
The Rhydler's college friends on Facebook recount their memories of a
fancy dress party where Rhyd went dressed as the Incredible Hulk. Stripped to his shorts with the rest of his body painted green it must have been quite a sight.

As we don't have a photo of the Roberts' Hulk we have commissioned a talented artist to produce a facsimile. Nice.

And if Dannii doesn't like the Riddler tune posted below for Rhyd to sing on the show, maybe she could try this Incredible Hunk song.

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The Original Riddler

When thinking of songs for Rhydian (winner of X Factor 2007) Danniii Minogue is so far picking obvious ones that highlight his immense vocal power, however, we at The Rhydian Resource feel that she should think outside of the box a little.

She should be told of the original Riddler, Frank Gorshin. Manic comedian Frank starred in dozens of films but is best remembered for his amazingly vivid performances of The Riddler in the 1960's Batman series. His energetic, wild eyed, cackling performances once seen are never forgotten. But he also made a stab at pop stardom with a song, inevitably, called the Riddler

It is a brilliant, brilliant piece of 60's pop kitsch - and this is where the campaign starts for Rhydian to cover this song, dressed in full green Riddler leotard. Think how immense that would be.

Riddle me this Miss Minogue, What do you call a woman who in week 1 says 'It's a NO from me' then three weeks later says 'Viva la Diva'?
Answer: Danniiiiii

All together now:
Hey diddle diddle, the hole in the middle
Hey diddle diddle, the hole in the middle

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Rhydian to Get the Party Started

Rumours abound about the choice of song that the Rhydmeister will sear into the nation's consciousness on Saturday night. It's not Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bohemian Rhapsody or even Creep. Instead, possibly, it will be that tribute to dropping Ecstasy ~ Get the Party Started by Pink.
No doubt Rhydian will sing it in the style of Wales' third best singer Shirley Bassey - but even so it is an inspired choice.

But surely it's about time the X Factor team put some sort of decent production around the singers. What I want to see is, as the music starts, Rhydian being lowered from the ceiling sitting cross legged on a giant ecstacy tab. To improve it even more they could have the other X Factor contestants staring up in awe from the stage. And instead of having a smiley face the ectasy pill has Rhyd's face drawn on it. As Rhydian lands on the stage he stares at the camera and a nation understands that this is a singer better than any drug.
The Rhyddler has arrived and it's time to start the party.

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Thursday, 1 November 2007

Rhydian Roberts lookalikee #5

When you look at Rhydian you may find yourself contemplating that people are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Or you might find yourself thinking that he looks a little like 1960's pop star Heinz from the Tornadoes.
(for younger readers the Tornadoes had a hit with Telstar in 1962)

Rhydian News: Rhydian doesn't dazzle Graham Norton

Graham Norton, the poor man's Frankie Howard, has criticised this year's X Factor contestants as not being 'dazzling' enough. He is quoted in the dazzling, soaraway Sun as saying, "I suppose it just shows how shallow the talent pool is in Britain at the moment if that’s the best we can come up with."
Obviously the rock pool of talent was overflowing with pond life when Norton slithered out of it with his lame double entendres.
Has the man not seen Rhydian Roberts! A man so full of talent it's scary. Has he not heard 'the voice'? Does he not know how Rhydian enthralls and scares the viewers?

In further X Factor news Daniel, the loser, has claimed that there was a conspiracy against him. He says that his song choice was changed at the last minute from When Doves Cry to Build Me Up Buttercup ( a song he performed so appallingly that there are rumours he may be sued for defamation and loss of earning by the song's original singers, The Foundations)

Daniel claims that Simon may have had some part in his song selection? because he saw him as a threat to his acts????
video:Heinz~live it up

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Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Rhydian Roberts lookalikee #4

When most people look at Rhydian they see a charming young Welshman with a powerful voice that washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.

However, bizarrely, some folk look at him and see Swedish action actor Dolph Lundgren.

All Souls Night

As Halloween night draws to a close there have been unconfirmed reports of strange goings on in Newport, Wales. A group of children, dressed as witches, ghouls and vampires knocked on a door which was opened by the house-owner wearing what witnesses describe as a 'Rhydian of the X Factor' mask. One frightened soul is reported as saying, "It was horrible, he had this strange sticky up hair and piercing eyes..and then he opened his mouth and this howl came out. I've never run so fast in my life."

And finally, an apt quote from Cervantes: He who sings scares away his woes.
He obviously had never heard the Rhydman

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Rhydian v Michael Jackson

There have been persistent rumours surrounding this X Factor series that Simon is trying to get Michael Jackson to be involved as the contestants guide/inspiration for one of the weeks. This has got to happen. Jackson meeting the Rhyd-meister would probably be the years greatest car crash television ever. Michael in his wispy voice giving the Rhydler some show business advice only to be stopped dead by 'the voice'. Wouldn't you love to see Mr Jackson's face as he realises there is someone in the pop world crazier than himself.

And what is it with Simon's attraction to people who have undergone drastic facial surgery. Obviously Sharon and Danniii are no stranger to the surgeon's knife, then he tries to get in the king of plastic Michael Jackson. And there is no way Louis Walsh would get near a television camera if he hadn't have had the operations - that's right you should have seen him before!

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Rhydian Roberts lookalikee #3

When some people see a picture of Rhydian they think that 'Arrogance is a kingdom without a crown'...others think that he looks a little like Billy Idol

Daniel calls Rhydian 'sweet'

In a pitiful attempt to get himself 'in' with the Welsh Wonder, X Factor reject Daniel has claimed that the Rhyddler may look like Billy Idol and appear arrogant and weird but he really is a sweet guy
Daniel is quoted in Teletext Showbiz as saying:"I know it can seem like he's a right moron. Watching the show I was like, Christ, no wonder everybody thinks he's mental. "

But then the jealous reject goes on to claim that once Rhydian is off stage he returns to being a 'normal' guy.

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Rhydian Anagrams

Rhydian Roberts, the first Welsh winner of the X factor, has a name that seems ripe for anagrams. But is this the case.
The Rhydian Resource is on the search for the greatest Rhydian anagram. Here are a few to get you started. Unfortunately there is no letter 'G' or extra 'A' in his name otherwise you could get the word arrogant out of it.

Good ones so far include :

Shirty Bernardo
snorer birthday
sorbent hair dry

dry rhino breast
horny rad tribes

The best though, so far, is Hi Randy Roberts and Hi Barry Snorted

send yours to

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Tuesday, 30 October 2007

Rhydian Roberts lookalikee #2

By now every one should be in agreement that whenever you look at Rhydian you think to yourself that rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together.

But what if you think of something else...what if you think that Rhydian looks like someone familiar. Is it him? Is it Paul Gascoine?

The Rhydian Effect: Werewolves in Wales

Whilst trawling the newspapers for info on Wales Greatest Singing Bench Presser I found the following:

A HALF naked man up a tree sparked a major police operation after he refused to come down.The man woke neighbours by crying and howling like a wolf when he climbed the tree in Cathays, Cardiff, early today. After refusing to come down, the police were called and they blocked off the road surrounding the tree on the corner of Cathays Terrace and Maindy Road.
A witness said: “He’s been there since the X Factor finished on the telly. At first I thought it was a dog howling, he was crying. I came out to have a chat with him but he just said ‘leave me alone, it’s my tree’"
Not only can the Rhydler quieten Celine Dion he is turning the sane into tree climbing werewolves. later in the story....

Onlookers said that the unshaven man, who had blonde spiky hair, was covered in mud and only wearing a pair of black tracksuit bottoms and had kicked off his shoes under the treeBlond spiky hair!
read the story here

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Does Anyone Else Fancy Rhydian?

A poll on asks the question "Does Anyone Else Fancy Rhydian?"

Out of 133 respondants so far a staggering 96% say No. Surely this can not be. Are so many people blind to the charms of the Welsh Terminator of Pop? Could this perceived lack of sexiness prevent the Rhyddler from lifting this years X Factor crown? The answer is probably no since last year's most insipid contestants Leona and Ray both made it to the final.

But still, The Rhydian Resource encourages, no begs, readers to visit the link and rectify this appaling state of play.

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Rhydian Roberts lookalikee

Obviously Rhydian reminds most of us of the vulnerable depths of the soul which are usually kept hidden: emotional wounds, loneliness, fragility, rejection, and despair.

But who, visually, does Rhydian remind us of?

Draco Malfoy anybody?



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Rhydian News : death threats!

The Daily Post has reported that there have been death threats made to Welsh bench presser and owner of the biggest voice in show business. The threats apparently have been made on Internet chat rooms and forums (so obviously we are talking about skinny nerdy geeks jealous of Rhydians physique) and appear to focus on his supposed arrogance.

Rhydd is reported as saying,"I know there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and I am confident because I have been training for five years as a singer."
X Factor creative director is also quoted as saying that he believes that contestants should be psychologically tested to ensure they can deal with the stress, fame and rejection that the show entails.

One thing is clear - there should be random drug testing on the show. This would immediately eliminate those loathsome, hopped up popstrels Same Difference



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Rhydian ~ Conspiracy Theory 1

In the first of the live shows tone deaf harridan Sharon Osbourne tried to get Welsh man-god Rhydian to bear his chest. He modestly refused. The belief, held by many, is that we will never see Rhydian's chest because he is an android. This revolutionary android is being trialled by scientists in this series of the X Factor to see if it can fool the public with its synthesised voice and odd looking face. Unfortunately apart from the face and hands everything under the clothes is just plastic, wires and silicon chips.

The android conspiracy theory also explains the staring lifeless eyes.

You will never see Rhydian's chest.

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Monday, 29 October 2007

Rhydian: what's in a name

After much laboured research (well, a few minutes on Google) the mysteries about the most unusually named X Factor contestant ever have been revealed.
Rhydian, a Welsh name, unforunately does not translate as 'Arrogant Singing Cyborg from the 22nd Century' but is a lengthened version of the name Rhydd which means 'ford'.

A ford is a place in a watercourse (most commonly a stream or river) that is shallow enough to be crossed by wading, on horseback, or in a wheeled vehicle.

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Rhydian News: Rhydd blasts judges

Today's Sun reports that the Riddler has blasted the X Factor judges as being 'too rich to give a shit' about the contestants welfare. He has come to the conclusion that contestants are just used by the show to further the presenters careers. As well as being the best singer the show has ever found he is also the smartest and threatening.

Most bizarrely though he claims that it is the fault of the production staff that he looks weird! They forced him to die his hair and wear strange clothes. They had a lot to work on though.



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Rhydian News: dressed as a Nazi

Rhydian Roberts, future winner of X factor 2007, dressed as a Nazi in a musical.

So reports yesterday's Sunday Mirror which claims that Rhydd failed to get the part of Jesus in a University production of Jesus Christ Superstar and had to settle for playing Pontious Pilate in full Nazi regalia.
A witness states, " He skipped about the stage and sang loudly in a pristine Nazi uniform. He certainly got laughs - he was the perfect pompous baddie."

Danniii Minogue, asked to comment, said, " I've said it many times Rhydian is like a either love him or hate him"

Rhydd a Nazi?????

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Rhydian Roberts - winner of the X factor 2007

Where do you start with Rhydian Roberts.

The biography: Age 24 from Powys Wales. Rhydian has been having vocal coaching for the last 7 years and God does it show. A graduate of Birmingham City University he is currently a personal trainer.

Rhydian fact: In his teenage years he was the strongest bench presser in Wales.



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