Thursday, 31 January 2008

Rhydiary January 31st 2008

Rhydiary january 31st 2008

I think it was an old funk song that had the line, “Fame. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Sing it again, Huh”
I was only saying to a newspaper interviewer yesterday about how, sometimes, I get worried about the whole fame thing. I know it's still early days but I feel like everyone is being too kind you see. I've no regrets about winning, sorry, I meant being the runner up, it's just I'm waiting for the backlash.
It was such a thrill to be back in Birmingham to receive my degree. I rang Gran before the ceremony and told her what I was doing. Her first response was,
“I bet that toe rag Leon hasn't got a degree, has he?.”
“Gran!” I can't tell you how shocking she can be sometimes. I said, “You don't really need to have many qualification to be a singer, Gran.”
“Singer!” I thought she was going to explode, “That manky toothed gnome? A singer?”
She's like that Gran. She speaks her mind.

Julia was thrilled for me of course,
“Rhydian, you've got to wear your white fur coat for the ceremony,” she purred
“You're joking, “ I said, “It's not that sort of event Julia”
Sometimes, I think that Jules has spent too long in the entertainment industry. She says that she wants to get into films. She says that hours spent trowelling filler onto Sharon's face has taken its toll on her, mentally.
In the end we settled for a very stylish pin stripe suit. She dabbed powder on my forehead,
“We don't want shiny shiny now, do we Rhyd?” and stood back to look at me.
“Oh Rhydian,"she sighed, “When?”

It was a strange sort of feeling receiving my degree. Being in front of a large audience again. The urge to sing was almost overwhelming,
The Dean, University Principal and Vice Chairwoman were all sitting together on the side of the stage, just like Simon and the gang. I was tempted, I can tell you. Although I'm not sure that the Dean would have been appreciative if I had burst into Get the Party Started and thrown my graduation gown over his face. When he introduced me I was a little thrown. I was expecting the full works, you see. The big intro. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's ... but, no. He gave a small speech about fame and responsibility and then I went up to receive it. The audience were cheering and then some one shouted, “Speech”
“Thank you. This makes me feel so humble,” I mumbled.
Like a lot of singers I'm fine with a song but get quite nervous when I have to speak in public. That is the only explanation I have for what I said next.
“What do you call a Scotsman with only one GCSE?”
The whole audience, as one, shouted, “Leon”

Love, the Rhydler BA(Hons)

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Tuesday, 25 December 2007

The True Christmas Number 1 - Warren Myles

You may have noticed, if you are a particularly observant reader, that I have an advert in my right hand column for a blog called AllYour Top 40 Are Belong To Us. A strange, grammatically incorrect, blog that I love. The writer, Warren Myles, has set himself the task of recording himself singing every number 1 for a whole year. Although, it's not quite that simple because there are rules...the main one being that if the number 1 is the same as last week then the highest new entry is chosen. Oh, and he records all songs using only his voice and music generated with his Gameboy! Often he records them in one take. He then writes, in his own unique way, about the process. Readers familiar with the dogme 95 principles of film making will recognise something familiar in his approach. Those of you who know anything about outsider art will love his biro drawings, because every song recorded also has its cover reproduced by Warren's hand too.
But what is this music like, I hear you ask? Well it's like naive early Human League viewed through a filter of 16bit music. It is lofi and lovely..a breath of fresh air with Warren shouting (often). The project is in its early stages but already he has produced superb renditions of Elvis, the Sugababes and Shane (last year but one's Rhydian) Ward - In fact his version of Breathless is on heavy rotation on my IPod and I urge you to download it. And, of course he has just covered Leon's single.
But hey! enough of me his version of When You Believe here and visit Warren's site whenever you get chance.

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Merry Christmas Rhydian


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Sunday, 23 December 2007

Rhydian: The X Factor Game #1

Sometime on Christmas day, post meal, you and your family will be sitting around wondering what to do next. Perhaps your thoughts will turn to playing a party game. But, before you reach for your Official X Factor DVD Game or even think about Charades please consider playing the Rhydian Factor Christmas Game.
What you need to play: A Rhydian and a Leon face mask. Two children's plastic swords. Two King's crowns (the party hats from your Xmas crackers will work fine).
To get the masks simply left mouse click the images on the right. The image should open up much larger. Now right mouse click on the bigger image, save it to your computer and print it off or just print it off straight away. Cut out the sections coloured in black, attach string/elastic and put the mask on your face. Get your competitor to wear the Leon 'fright' mask.
How to Play: Now each player, along with their mask, wears a crown and wields a sword. The object of the game is simple. Each must try and knock off their opponents crowns using their sword whilst , obviously, avoiding having their own crown removed. First player to be de-crowned loses. This could be your chance to re-write history. Don't let the Scared Scot win again.

If you decide to play this game, or just wear the masks, please take photos...The Rhydian Factor will publish every single one that is sent in. Merry Christmas

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Rhydian: More News of Rhydians Hair

Investor Daily News has an interview with Wales' third best singer Dame Shirley Bassey. In a piece entitled ‘This isn’t the country I grew up in. No one speaks a word of English these days,’ she strays ominously close to Morrissey territory with tales of drugs and crime in this land of ours. But it is her views on X Factor which interest us. She is quoted as saying, “It seems there’s no place for people with talent any more. You have only to look at television to see that. And if people do have any talent, they get voted out of the shows. It’s disgusting. It’s an abuse. It seems that people want to be famous for doing nothing - or drinking. " She then took another slug of gin and said, "I’m always being asked if I watch The X Factor...I was well looked after (when I started in the business) . Who advised Rhydian to have that hair? I don’t call that looking after him" Meeeow!
Someone on Yahoo Answers asked the question, "seeing as his victory was snatched from him by "stick tae gather,s no matter whats"will welsh singer Rhydian now adopt a more sensible hairstyle? or will he get a madder one soon?"
The question has received as you would expect various responses, the best being, "I think he may have lost votes because of it.....not that I think that should be the right way...the vote should have been on his voice!!"

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Saturday, 22 December 2007

Rhydian : Bad Hair Day

The Mens Hair Care Tips Blog (the bald facts about the hair industry) has a list of the Brylcreem Best and Worst Hairstyles of 2007. Rhydian ' the haircut' Roberts features in one list and bizarrely it is not in one of the 'best' lists.
He comes third in the Worst TV Personality Hairstyles of 2007.
1. James May(Top Gear), 2. Simon Cowell, 3. Rhydian, 4. Vernon Kaye 5. Peter Andre
Are they mad...Brylcreem is a company whose main product is perfect for the making of quiffs, for getting your hair to stick up electric shock style from your scalp. One can't help but feel that they are missing a trick on a massive scale. Rhydian should be their man of the year. Not only has he the best hair in pop, he is constantly changing it's style. If they made him haircut of the year their product would sell liked greased (should that be bryled) lightning.
And who do they think has the best TV hair? 1. Richard Hammond ?. Please examine carefully the accompanying photograph. One of these men has unique individual style and looks every inch a star, whereas one looks like shit. The fact that Rhydian didn't win this is a scandal almost greater than ITV rigging the phone voting. Now is the time to start the boycott the Brylcreem campaign, slogan: Give the Grease the Elbow

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Rhydian on ITV Wales, 21st Dec 2007

Charming mini interview and a bit of carol singing from the he says that he will be touring on his own after the X factor tour. Many thanks to Fay for pointing it out to me in the first place.

Rhydian On ITV Wales 21st November 2007 - Funny blooper videos are here
Other X Factor News: It's the 21st December and in a hot off the press news report titled Leon Wins, Music Mike has his say, "I have been involved in the 'Music Game' for over 40 years, working with acts of all descriptions. Long before Mr. Cowell even dreamt up his 'Quick Buck schemes', it was taken for granted that every entertainer worth their salt, had to serve an 'Apprenticeship', Simon, I am utterly disgusted with your conduct, but I suppose you have to keep earning a crust, to keep your 'conservatively expensive' cars on the road. Tell me, which type of car will Leon be driving, in 6 months time, let alone 12 months?"
I didn't realise that Leon was old enough to drive but it got me thinking...what sort of car would suit Leon? It would have to be one that has bad tuning and breaks down every ten minutes
I reported recently about an article detailing the X Factor voting intentions of the Jewish community. Most favoured was Rhydian but one man was for Same Difference, Rabbi Aaron Goldstein, Head of Community Development of Liberal Judaism , "(he) prefers SD for their cheesiness and the good role model they set for family values. " I wonder if he will be changing his opinion after Sean was reported as saying, “I do not like paying that much for a beer. Those are London prices and I do not expect to pay that – I suppose that makes me a bit of a jewboy.”

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Friday, 21 December 2007

Rhydian: The Party Is Still Buzzing

It is not my attention to fill this blog with embedded You Tube Videos ,but the work of Rhyddyfan deserves your attention. View all of Rhyddyfan's superb video interpretation of the world's greatest Welshman HERE. View, subscribe, give Rhyddyfan some love. Right Now!

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Thursday, 20 December 2007

Rhydian: We Still Support You

Fun cartoon version of Go West by Bannedyassy on You Tube: Visit their channel here

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Rhydian: News

Showbiz Spy has a good feature on Rhydian and his recent interview on Real Radio Wales. In the interview he tells about his current location in an Oxfordshire cottage, hiding from the press. He states that although very shocked when the results on Saturday were announced, he feels it may work out for the best. And he thanked his fans, "I just want to say thanks so much to any body who have believed in me, supported me or picked up the phone and voted. I said on the show, and Dermot said ‘it’s not that expensive’, but it is expensive to vote and I appreciate that."

In recent posts I have bemoaned the lack of X Factor product available on EBay. Of course Rhydian has had clocks, mugs, T shirts, photos, car number plates and my favourite the wipe clean laminated bookmark available for weeks. The others however have had nothing until recent times. There is now a slew of tat devoted to that tuneless tyke, West Lothian lothario Leon. Highlights are a Leon Crosstitch pattern. That's right you can reproduce Leon's face using needle and thread. A seller who knows their market there!
More great things to buy your loved ones for Christmas. How about a Futureproof website? That's right you could purchase and give them the domain name for the most inappropriately named band in music history : Available
here on Ebay for £20. The price seemed a little steep to me so I emailed the buyer asking if he would reduce it to 50p. I received this reply, "The price is an extremely fair valuation considering it cost £10 to register and that it's an extremely popular domain based on visits and Google ranking. I find your question an insult!"

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Tuesday, 18 December 2007

The Meaning of 'Jackson'

In a previous post I quoted a blog called Chart Rigger which reviewed Leon Jackson's performance with, "(He is ) rather a tall, dark geek like myself. Which means he's probably got a monster Jackson down his shorts." At the time I pondered if 'Jackson' was an American colloquialism for penis and whether this (alongside his inability to sing in tune) would affect Leon's chances of success in that country. I am grateful for the many readers who have written in saying the original poster should have used the word 'Johnson'.
In fact a quick check of the Urban Dictionary confirms this with
the definition of 'Jackson' being:
1) It's a twenty dollar bill, not a cock
2) Slang term for excellent as used on the Sit-com Nathan Barley
lots of Michael Jackson related meanings and...
3) a you in you bout to drop one, example useage, "boy, i gotta take a jackson.."



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Monday, 17 December 2007

X Factor News:Leon banned, Ofcom looks into scandal, Leon off tune

X Factor News Aplenty:
Radio stations owned by Town and Country Broadcasting in Wales have banned the winning X Factor single by swinging Leon Jackson. They've done this not on what would be perfectly acceptable grounds of taste but because listeners couldn't get through on the phone lines to vote for Rhydian. Listeners to Bridge FM, Swansea Bay Radio, Radio Carmarthenshire, Radio Pembrokeshire and Scarlet FM will be spared Leon 'tuning problems' Jackson's version of the dreadful Mariah Carey song. Expect a sudden increase in property prices in these areas as people try to move there.
Can't we all be spared the sound of Leon singing. We've suffered almost 3 months of him already.

newspaper report here
And in scenes reminiscent of George Bush's controversial contested victory, Ofcom may look into 80 complaints from viewers unable to get through and vote. ITV has also been hit by protests as Rhydian fans flooded the ITV website with complaints and accusations that the contest was fixed.
Also rumours have been circulating about a possible reason for Leon's 'Jazz' singing style. The voices of all the show's contestants are fed through a piece of kit called
Autotunes (industry standard software that corrects minor intonation problems in real time - the Spice Girls use it religiously) It moves the pitch of the sung note to the nearest note in the key, but apparently some of the notes that Leon was hitting were so far away from the intended that Autotunes just couldn't cope. Hence the, how shall we say, improvisational feel of some of Leon's singing.

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X Factor News from the Blogs

Obviously there are acres of press coverage all about X Factor and Rhydian being robbed but here at the Rhydian Factor we highlight the best, most unusual items. Articles that you may have missed.
First up a blog called Island of Dreams and in a very ominously titled Our Time Is Running Out the writer points out the signs of our coming doom, "Armageddon is coming so get thee to Tesco and stock up on tinned foods and sporting goods...The world is going stark raving crackers" the evidence, "the Tories are leading opinion polls by the greatest margin for fifteen years... unleaded is now £1.05 a litre round the corner and The Eagles have got back together. Most damning of all? Leon Jackson has won The X Factor 2007. I fully expect cats and dogs to start living together and Sunny Delight to rain down from the heavens within the next fortnight." He provides us with a perfect description of the one they are already calling, that wee Scottish guy who had one hit, you know his name , "But Leon bloody Jackson? A scrutty zig-zag of flesh with a total inability to carry a note and all the dancing skills of someone undergoing electroconvulsive therapy?" Read his full post here, it's good.
A newly set up blog Null Points Eurovision Blog is unsure of the X Factor democratic process,"...outstanding candidate on X Factor, Rhydian Roberts gets pipped by a caterwauling Scottish midget who wouldn't know a tune if he fell over it.This is democracy...... or rather it isn't. The last time I checked that meant one person one vote. Not one person spending a small fortune voting over and over again for the same candidate"
Well worth a visit blog Chart Rigger (Rock could be so good, but we make it all so rubbishy) In a post titled:British People Like When Kylie Dresses Like A Ho, So They Voted For Leon Jackson On X Factor, "Kylie came on stage and basically pole-danced on him But I like this Leon. He's no Shayne Ward, but rather a tall, dark geek like myself. Which means he's probably got a monster Jackson down his shorts." Jackson?!?! The writer, one J'ason D'luv, a great name but probably not the one he was christened with is from Los Angeles. Do they call a penis a 'Jackson' over there? Can anyone enlighten me on this one? Does Simon know? It could put the brakes on any chance of an American career for our Leon.

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Sunday, 16 December 2007

The Rhydian Conspiracy

The following is an e-mail and is representative of many that have been sent to the Rhydian Factor
In years to come when someone asks the question Where were you at 10:35 on 15th December 2007? most people will instantly know. They will remember the shock they were feeling and the growing, nagging thoughts that they had been stitched up. Sure they will remember the hurt but looking back they will realise that this was when they started to feel that something was wrong. Something stank about the whole affair.
Why fix a TV popularity contest?
The usual answers: money and power. Because the producers of the show can fix it they do. It's not only the telephone voting that is making them money, that is relatively small beer. What they want at the end of the show is a product that can be easily sold. Leon fits perfectly. Young, attractive, poor background, easy to control and package.
Someone who proudly proclaims their beliefs, religious convictions, who challenges the direction of their career and what songs to sing...well, I don't think so. Simon Cowell quote, "Rhydian is up his own arse". And SD, well they don't hit the right demographic.
How to fix a popularity contest?
In these post telephone scandal days producers are understandably nervous about just making the numbers up. They used to do this all the time and get away with it - how often do you see the numbers for telephone votes broken down by region and reported in your newspaper or online? Never
So how can you fix it?
1) Well you have control over contestants song choices and, in the case of Saturday night, singing partners. In Leon's case with most of his voters being teenage girls they decided to broaden his appeal to male voters too. Call for a Minogue. You can imagine the conversation.
Dannii:"Kylie we want you to sing with Leon" Kylie:"Isn't he the one that you said almost wets himself on stage and sings flat?" Dannii:"Yes, but...well Simon says he can do something with my career if you agree" Kylie:" Hmmm" Dannii:" Oh, and don't bother with clothing, just wear your underwear"
2) Most voters vote after the final song in the main show. Make sure that Rhydian sings last. Less time to vote means fewer votes.
3) When it comes down to it - if all the above fails the system for logging the calls made is corruptable from the very beginning untill Dermot opens the envelope. From changing the call volumes allowed to each number - to just reporting the results as you want them to be. No one is checking. If any business was queried about a poll result they would publish the figures for every week.
Bring back the clapometer - it's probably fairer and it costs the viewing public nothing.

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Rhydian Scandal:Can You Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau?

Don't just sit there - get off your arses and complain!
Also, text Chris Moyles (a Rhyd fan) on 81199 tomorrow(Monday 17th)

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Saturday, 15 December 2007

Rhydian Robbed by Rob Roy

MP3:Rhydian: You Raise Me Up
Somewhere MP3:Rhydian: Oh Holy Night MP3: Rhydian: When You Believe
What can you say! Except, maybe, back Malcolm Middleton's alternative Xmas No:1


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Rhydian: Vote NOW!

Vote for Rhydian NOW on:

0901 6161 103

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Rhydian: King Rocker

The final hasn't even started and already the accolades and awards for Rhydian have begun.
In today's Guardian Guide in the feature Gong Show, Rhydian wins the category 'Best Use of Billy Idol's Hair' To quote:"While most singers go for a more obvious 'do'...TV star the Rhyddler realised the merit of pop-punk's greatest icon and channelled his determined spirit through his follicles. As long as Rhydian has his Idolesque, bleached blonde spikes, his voice won't fail him"
Is there time for Danniii to change one of tonights songs to King Rocker. Please!
Other news, BBC are reporting that the betting odds show that Rhydian has it all sewn up. When asked about this Simon Cowell is reported as saying, "As far as I'm aware it's tighter than a gnat's chuff...keep voting"
video~Generation X:King Rocker

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Friday, 14 December 2007

Rhydian: Uptown Top Ranking

It's hard to believe that the journey is nearing the end. Soon the train that is X Factor will be pulling into the final station. Everyone will disembark, Rhydian to jump onto a different train heading to the city of Super-stardom. Leon and Same Difference will try and cadge a job working the buffet and the rest of us, holding our platform tickets, will wave them on their merry way, ... anyway, enough of train metaphors. What I really want to talk about is me, and where this website has got to in Google. Most visitors coming via a Google search arrive on expected searches such as 'Rhydian', 'Is Rhydian Gay', 'What song did Rhydian sing...' However there are far more interesting ways to get here. Here are the best.
leon jackson ratboy (number 1 on Google)
the anagrams of Rhydian Roberts Sir Hydrant Bore (1) and His Bandy Terror (1)
worst girl band in history (2) a post of mine about Hope. Number 1 is about the band The Shaggs
same difference pooper scooper (2)
Rhydian Iran (1) ; stagefright leon (4) ;Rhydmeister (3) ; Rhydian in the Simpsons (1) ;Welsh Minstrel (5) Number 1 is about thoroughbred horses.
And the one I am most proud about It looks like Marmite is back in fashion (1)
Slightly dissappointing are the following:
dreary power ballad (page 2) for a post about Niki
Rhydian wipe clean bookmark (2) beneath the Money Saving Expert forum!!!!
scary twins sing (nowhere to be seen but a no:1 for james Mastersons blog entry about Same Difference)

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Rhydian:Bits and Bobs

From the Stage where The Bandy Terror, Leon, has obviously made a big impression, "tonight should be a two horse race between Rhydian and Same Difference – I’m not even sure what the other boy is called."
Blog hip young gunslinger(don't be a rock singer) are the first blog to jump ship. Concerned that Rhydian is singing, " shades of operatic shit instead of donning the sailor gear and wowing the crowd" they have switched allegiance to Same Difference. The motto they quote, "A Vote against Same Difference is A Vote For the Bullies" is actually a facebook group here which is well worth a read for the fabulous sarcastic quotes readers have written on their wall. Comments such as:
"How do you vote against them? Is there a seperate number? Can I have it?"
"I moved to South London and lost my faith in humanity. Then I saw Same Difference and I was healed."
and my favourite
"Earlier today I was on an ice rink and I saw this young boy performing Michael Jackson on ice skates and these bullies came over and pushed him over saying "You'll never be a pop star". I wanted to cry.Then I came home and watched Same Difference on YouTube and my faith too was restored. What God does not give us, Same Difference doth provide"
Because I'm getting kinda nervous, here is a nervous kinda video: talking heads:Psycho Killer

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