The Best X Factor Review...ever

Due to circumstances beyond my control I will be unable to watch the live X Factor show this Saturday and because I always like to post a review of Rhydian's performance as quickly as possible I offered the job of Rhydian Factor reviewer to applicants in the Digital Spy forums. After aptitude tests, attitudinal studies and an interview the chosen one is Furry Monkey.
And I was perfectly happy with this arrangement until I stumbled upon the blog Primi Divi which is an open opera review blog. Somehow the reviewer , "yay i got into my bros account again!!!!!" has accessed his opera loving brother's account and decided to use it to review X Factor. I would urge you to visit the link before the post is taken down. It is probably the best X factor review I've found yet.
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First our man sets the scene, "i thoght it was time the primi divi revueed some proper music...most of the crap acts have gone now like daniel and future proof" then he brings us up to date with who was eliminated from the competition, "beverly went last week, i mean major respect to her and she looks ok 4 a 38 year old, i wouldnt but i bet my bro wld coz hes desprate!!!!!!"
Barely time to catch your breath before Niki's talents are assessed, "ok so nicky...she like puts everything into it all the time, sumtimes it dont work but like she tried, taking risks is good and i mean she is hot, nicky if the singing dont work out want to come n be a dinner lady at my skewl????"
Now, our man, "n yeh rhydian, the primi divvys havent even revued him, i mean how up themselves is that, hes like a proper opera singer, wots there problem with this guy whos done all the opera crap but decides he wants 2 sing pop coz its just like better???? he is a bit gay tho tbh."
On to Scotland's answer to Ray, "(leon) id go for a drink with him but hes hardly like world class is he and i dont beleve hes pulled emily out of hope i mean like NO WAY!!!!!!!!!"
And the prozac pair, "same difference i mean like cringe wot r they doing how old r they???? i just dont get them at all tbh maybe they cld do kids parties but ive been way too cool for all that shit since ive been like born."
But can you guess the reviewers favourite act, yes exactly its, "HOPE have only known each other like a few weeks but allready there like totally comfrtble with each other, they can make there voices sound gd so like stop dising hope ok there doing sumthin fkin amazing when u think bout it"
De mon set the fkin bar hi Furry Monkey!
(I've just tried to spell check this document and after an hour I've given up)
X Factor review on Primi Divi